dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
