My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize