Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
