There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
