Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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