I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As shirtless as possible
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
