I bet he comes in French.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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