Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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