i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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