Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize