the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
