Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
two words: eviction party
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
