my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
