hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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