If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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