Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
