So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
