i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
