i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
