Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
