Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
