You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
