everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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