If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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