I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
