oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
