So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
