people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
