I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
