shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize