i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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