I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
