Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
