You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
