I don't think brook has ever known best
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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