I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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