Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
