goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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