You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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