My room smells like vodka and shame
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
