I wanna bring you to show and tell
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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