Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
porn star boner night. come get it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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