i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
