So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
