On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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