apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
