i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
