So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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