Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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