i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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