I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize