I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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