i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
