I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
