I just threw up on my dentist
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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