Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
