The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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