At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
