you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize