I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
