two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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